Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
