if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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