i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
