somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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