Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
pray to the hookup gods
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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