i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
