He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
