so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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