is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
