Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
