If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
