Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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