Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
