there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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