If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
