I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
