Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize