I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
