That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
