i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no, he came in my armpit
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
