in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
