So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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