like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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