you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
