I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
