So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
