Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize