Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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