we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize