I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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