No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
