i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Let's paint friendship bongs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
