I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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