I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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