WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
