He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who died my cat blue again?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
