She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
