oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
