she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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