There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
