Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize