so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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