my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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