What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
