nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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