omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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