Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
