When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize