He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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