Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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