We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
