dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
