just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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