I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
50% drunk capacity currently
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
