Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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