At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
