can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
