I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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