The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
