They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
