I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
