I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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