Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
