Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
