Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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