I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
