So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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