who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize