i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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