party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize