My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize