girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
